I understand Curling. That high.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
