Im at strip club and am horny
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
