I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
