I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He has the fingertips of a God
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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