dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think I am morally bankrupt
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
