It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
