True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
