I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
