Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
