NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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