wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
