Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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