dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
