the new term for farting is butt boxing.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
