she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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