Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
