Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
