you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
