i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
