Don't make out with my wife yet
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
