I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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