I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
