i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
