I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
