i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
