turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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