i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
