I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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