NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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