I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
