My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
