Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
