Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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