He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
