Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
