Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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