there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just invented taco cereal.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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