I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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