its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
