im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
