I bet he comes in French.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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