My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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