I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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