The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
