I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
either way he was missing a nipple.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She needs sedatives and a leash
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
