That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
