Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
