It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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