If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
