u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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