If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
