Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
