Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
