I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
